Crack is the New Black

CRACK IS BACK FOLKS! And this time it's posh! Victoria Beckham is on crack - that is the rumour, now spread it.

Because with a face like that, how could she not be? Obviously VB has denied this, claiming she is 'tired' and 'overworked' and 'has a baby' but everyone knows these are the classic crack-addict excuses. 

So why crack and why now? The answer is so glaringly obvious. We all know that for a long time VB has been desperate to get tight with the fashion crowd and while this used to just mean wearing expensive clothes, being skinny and not smiling, as of late VB has been upping her game somewhat. Maybe because she knows she is running out of time or maybe because she knows the one thing she can't vomit into the toilet is her tasteless past. Remember those matching outfits, that tacky wedding, the extentions-and-orange-tan combo that kickstarted the entire WAG movement, the reality TV show that aired when exploitative relationships were merely a wee glint in Jordan's eye....all very high-profile, all very 'My Fat Gypsy Wedding'. 

So, like a geek who has decided to ditch their Lord of The Rings memorabilia to try and join the cool gang, Posh has tried to eradicate this past with an 'edgy' haircut, a clothes range, and more recently has so clearly bribed someone into making her the fashion ambassador for the UK. But this was clearly not enough, oh no! Finally, Posh realised what we all knew all along; that the path to being a true 'fashionista' is not carved merely with an eating disorder and an inflated ego, (because these are far too accessible), in order to be credible one must also possess that holy grail of fashion traits- no not casual racism-a drug habit (duh!)

Not convinced? I have compiled some evidence that I think you will find form a verrrrry persuasive argument.

Clandestine meeting with dealer, trying to look inconspicuous. "Motherfucker I need my high"

 Having her kids taken away from her. Restraining orders are like jewellery for crackheads.

Last but not least, the most convincing argument, her latest 'design'. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this was designed whilst in the midst of a crack rampage. No sober person would find this acceptable.

It is sad really but what these celebrities always fail to remember is that crack is a cruel mistress that can never be tamed. There is a lot of deep meaning behind the saying "Crack is Whack". So, who will crack claim next? I find the best technique to working it out is to find some photos of a celebrity looking tired and immediately jump to wild conclusions. Remember, it's NEVER tiredness and it's ALWAYS crack.