Ditch The Meat, Get More Sausage

Ever toyed with the idea of going veggie but just lacked the motivation? Did you ponder a life of couscous, lentils and margarita pizza and just think...nah? If saving animals, the environment or living longer are not enough to convince you to liberate yourself from your meaty shackles, try this compelling video made by Courtney Stodden. She puts forth a persuasive argument. Obviously somebody forgot to tell Courtney that tomatoes technically count as FRUIT but there is no denying the absolute power there is to be found in the image of a tomato with a dick.

The Many Faces of 'The Voice'

For a show which is centred around voices, The Voice has its fair share of faces and facial contortion. Admittedly, most of these come courtesy of the ever expressive Jessie J who has seemingly found alternative ways other than just using her VOICE to be irritating. Presumably for the hard of hearing - how inclusive. Here are a few of my favourite faces to date but as the competition hots up, I expect plenty more in the weeks to come.

Made In Chelsea Drinking Game

Take a shot any time someone says 'yar'.

This should be enough to get you sufficiently hammered.

Freak of the Week

Meet Venus Palermo. She is 15 and likes to dress up like a doll and pose like this, presumably for an audience of sweaty middle aged men. Freak!

Tulisa - Young

Have you seen Tulisa's latest video? No, not that one you pervert, her new music video for new song 'Young.' It's filmed in Miami and has a LOT of crazy shenanigans going on in it. Here is a basic run-down of the narrative...

Hola Miami! Tulisa in da house! What you reckon...too many bags?

Here is my buddy to come pick me up! But who is this bastard next to me? Now where will I put my bags?

 Fuck the bags 

Woo! It's time to get crazy wild! What shall we do? I know...

...Let's go rollerblading in the scabbiest bit of town!

Oh look! A random lamb!

Let's steal it! Hey, we're young! This is what young people do, right?

Little lamb, you are now our drugs mule.

Back to the hotel...this woman could NEVER be in our gang. She is too fat and unattractive and she is definitely not YOUNG.

So let's mug the bitch! Honestly don't worry gang, this is really normal where I'm from. Camden.

It was so worth it! Now we're in a moderately nice hotel room!

And I'm really really excited!

Oh, it's night already? We must have bounced around for ages! Quick, time to get ready for a BIG night out.

Hitler face! Oh wow we are so crazy! Must be because we are YOUNG.  I have SUCH a big night planned for us....

...In an art gallery! The best place to spend our youth!

JUST KIDDING! I  had you fooled then didn't I? We are actually here to do some serious vandalism.

Hold my glass slave. Oh, you though we were friends? LOL...no.

This is gonna be soooo funny!

Ta-da!

"I am seriously pissed off."

OMG! Can't believe I'm getting chucked out! (Hee Hee)

Damage done, now let's par-tay!

OMG Fazer! Who invited you? Awkward!

Oh sod it, come here you! (please don't sell any sex tapes of me!)

Party over, now it's time to get down and dirty...

Psyche! You thought I was going to do something sexual didn't you?! LOL! 

*Sigh*

Wow that was so much fun. I sure do love being YOUNG!

Note: It later emerged that Tulisa and friends were on many class A drugs during the filming of this video. During their 12 hour rampage through Miami, 'The Female Boss' was written on public property no less that 75 times. When police had caught up with the criminals, they were all found dead in a hotel room. Luckily a lamb was found alive, despite being extremely distressed. Police urge young people not to recreate what they see in this video.

Freak of the Week

A place where we can celebrate and laugh at those people in society affectionately knows as FREAKS.

Is it laughing at or laughing with? Who knows...who cares.

Freak One: Paul Bradley

Hell-ooo ladies!

Meet Paul Bradley, he is 53, straight and married with two children. By day he works in IT, by night (and presumably weekend) he is a slicked up rider of the pole variety.

Well, you know what they say, "There's no business like ho business". Take it away Paul!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No its a mid-life crisis!

An eager customer.

His loving and understanding family (and hilarious cat)

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...and The Fugly

A round up of noteworthy stories of the week.

The Good (part 1)

Niall Horan gets female attention!

WOOF WOOF WOOF!

What's that? It's the sound of the triumphant underdog as he victors over the other, more physically developed dogs in the hypothetical doggy boyband, 'Bone Direction.' In simple terms, it's the sound of Niall Horan, aka 'The Irish One' finally getting laid. Because let's face it, even though he's cute, he's nobody's favourite. Not here in the UK at least. In between Harry's bouncy barnet, Zayn's eyebrows, Liam's brooding looks and Louis's tight trousers, Niall always tended to get overlooked. It seemed as though he was set to be forever condemned as 'the one that nobody fancied' (along with the likes of Howie from Backstreet Boys, Chris from NSync and of course their supreme leader - Ant from Blue) and a future of alcoholism, expanding waistlines and guest appearances at student unions awaited him.

That is until One Direction hit America.

Because in America it is NOT self confessed pussy-lover Harry Styles who is capturing the hearts of teenage girls but lovely, clean-cut, PG-13 Niall. I guess everyone has their niche and Niall's just happens to be the whole of America. So well done to him. After all they say every dog has his day and every dog shall, eventually, get his bone.

The Good (part 2)

Totally Essex

News broke this week that Brian Belo (of former Big Brother fame) is suing the makers of TOWIE for nicking his idea. He claims that he actually came up with the premise for the hit show with his corny prototype, 'Totally Essex', as shown in the above video. Unfortunately the odds are against him as I'm sure anybody would have a hard time believing he has ever had a single coherent thought let alone one for a hugely sucessful money-spinner. In the meantime we have this video to laugh at. Check out Mark's hair and Kirk's dance moves!

The Bad

Cooking With Poo

She seems to have all the minor ingredients at hand, I assume just outside of the frame she is working on the final, and most essential, component.


The Ugly
January Jones Eats Her Placenta

I have never seen anything delicious come out of a human orifice (although, to be fair, I haven't  read 'Cooking With Poo' so who knows), yet January Jones has admitted to eating something that came out of her vagina. Why? Because the hippies have too much influence!! If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. They say, "Come on it's natural, man. We're the only mammals who don't do it. Eating your placenta has so many wonderful, amazing benefits for a new mother, none of which I have any scientific evidence to prove BUT...you can't argue with nature, man." I saw a dog eat another dog's shit once and that is the reason I don't imitate 'nature'. Another reason is this photo of a placenta.

No thank you.

The Fugly

Morgan Freeman Marries His Step-Granddaughter

And finally...It deeply disturbs me to have to share this story with you. After the news that Bobbi Kristina is engaged to her adopted brother, Morgan Freeman has gone one step further and is rumoured to be marrying his step-granddaughter.

Take a moment to digest that.


Morgan Freeman Is Marrying His Step-Granddaughter.


I knew the world of dating was tough but is this what it's come to? Is the world really that small that we now need to turn within our own families for marriage? Does 'step' make it okay? No. No it doesn't.

Even if he wasn't a mega movie star and even if they weren't family; Freeman is 72 and his lovely bride to be is 27! It get's worse. They first had sex when she was 17. This defies logic and really I just don't know what to say. This is a man who played God in Bruce Almighty. However, in the wise words of Neil from The Inbetweeners, God spelt backwards is DOG. And what a dog.