The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...and The Fugly

A round up of noteworthy stories of the week.

The Good (part 1)

Niall Horan gets female attention!

WOOF WOOF WOOF!

What's that? It's the sound of the triumphant underdog as he victors over the other, more physically developed dogs in the hypothetical doggy boyband, 'Bone Direction.' In simple terms, it's the sound of Niall Horan, aka 'The Irish One' finally getting laid. Because let's face it, even though he's cute, he's nobody's favourite. Not here in the UK at least. In between Harry's bouncy barnet, Zayn's eyebrows, Liam's brooding looks and Louis's tight trousers, Niall always tended to get overlooked. It seemed as though he was set to be forever condemned as 'the one that nobody fancied' (along with the likes of Howie from Backstreet Boys, Chris from NSync and of course their supreme leader - Ant from Blue) and a future of alcoholism, expanding waistlines and guest appearances at student unions awaited him.

That is until One Direction hit America.

Because in America it is NOT self confessed pussy-lover Harry Styles who is capturing the hearts of teenage girls but lovely, clean-cut, PG-13 Niall. I guess everyone has their niche and Niall's just happens to be the whole of America. So well done to him. After all they say every dog has his day and every dog shall, eventually, get his bone.

The Good (part 2)

Totally Essex

News broke this week that Brian Belo (of former Big Brother fame) is suing the makers of TOWIE for nicking his idea. He claims that he actually came up with the premise for the hit show with his corny prototype, 'Totally Essex', as shown in the above video. Unfortunately the odds are against him as I'm sure anybody would have a hard time believing he has ever had a single coherent thought let alone one for a hugely sucessful money-spinner. In the meantime we have this video to laugh at. Check out Mark's hair and Kirk's dance moves!

The Bad

Cooking With Poo

She seems to have all the minor ingredients at hand, I assume just outside of the frame she is working on the final, and most essential, component.


The Ugly
January Jones Eats Her Placenta

I have never seen anything delicious come out of a human orifice (although, to be fair, I haven't  read 'Cooking With Poo' so who knows), yet January Jones has admitted to eating something that came out of her vagina. Why? Because the hippies have too much influence!! If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. They say, "Come on it's natural, man. We're the only mammals who don't do it. Eating your placenta has so many wonderful, amazing benefits for a new mother, none of which I have any scientific evidence to prove BUT...you can't argue with nature, man." I saw a dog eat another dog's shit once and that is the reason I don't imitate 'nature'. Another reason is this photo of a placenta.

No thank you.

The Fugly

Morgan Freeman Marries His Step-Granddaughter

And finally...It deeply disturbs me to have to share this story with you. After the news that Bobbi Kristina is engaged to her adopted brother, Morgan Freeman has gone one step further and is rumoured to be marrying his step-granddaughter.

Take a moment to digest that.


Morgan Freeman Is Marrying His Step-Granddaughter.


I knew the world of dating was tough but is this what it's come to? Is the world really that small that we now need to turn within our own families for marriage? Does 'step' make it okay? No. No it doesn't.

Even if he wasn't a mega movie star and even if they weren't family; Freeman is 72 and his lovely bride to be is 27! It get's worse. They first had sex when she was 17. This defies logic and really I just don't know what to say. This is a man who played God in Bruce Almighty. However, in the wise words of Neil from The Inbetweeners, God spelt backwards is DOG. And what a dog.